My cat Monkey hates love.

I had All Star stuck in my head today and after a minute or two of mumbling the lyrics to myself as I went about my business, I realized that I somehow have the entire thing memorized. I’ve taken multiple algebra classes in my lifetime and don’t remember a damn thing from any of them but I can perfectly recite some shitty Smash Mouth song I haven’t heard in years no problem, I hate everything

We bought bagel chips from our favourite local bagel joint today and I was all jazzed for a snack attack until I realized they mixed the garlic and cinnamon sugar chips in the same package. How could you do this to me, Bagel King, I trusted you

All these tree-fucker environmentalists all “please stop ruining the earth, it’s literally the only place we have to live”, as if my purpose hasn’t always been to defeat the earth and colonize the moon